Do you go to bed mad? As a female DC, why is it always your fault?
Female DC’s have the most complicated arrangements of all DC’s. There are so many interferences to being successful. If you are single, there is the dating scene, and because you are a doctor it is a game of crap shoot. If you are married, there is always a spouse to factor in. If kids are part of the equation, there are daycare issues, babysitters, sports events, after school activities, etc…and that’s just the tip of the iceberg. Whether or not your life is going great, the office always tends to follow the lead. Let’s explore some of the issues that can make or break female DC’s.
Not only does a female have to be a DC during the day, she also for the most part has to take care of the house and kids. The husband can flop down exhausted and half-heartedly attempt to help with the kids until the clicker and a beer finds his hands and he gets in his recliner. He’s now zoned out! If you ask for help, he will either ignore you or get irritated. It seems you have just disrupted his blessed TV watching. How dare you. Sometimes he uses the ‘speech’; you know the one his father used on his mother. It goes something like, “Do you know how hard I work and how much I sacrifice for this family?” This scenario might sound familiar to most females. It might work in the short term, but by using guilt to manipulate it can be a deal breaker and ruin a marriage in the long term. Can you say resentment?
How about a little acknowledgement from your husband? Do they notice how wonderful the home is? Do they notice how great you look on date night? Do they notice the extra effort and the extra mile you go in keeping things together with the family? Every time you do something special for the family whether it is birthday cards, vacations, parties, or the holidays, the spirit inside you starts to recede if you don’t get the recognition you deserve. Sometimes you can’t sleep because you are just wondering about what went wrong, and all the time, money, and effort it took to become a DC. You were so excited to be a DC and now you’re starting to second guess yourself.
How about when you go to bed mad? It may have been another argument about finances, or the kids. As you both harbor grudges toward each other, a certain ‘coolness’ and detachment will develop between you. You turn away from each other as you lay there steaming but it will spill over into the next day with steel like precision. The edge can be taken off with endless escape into TV or going to bed early to brood silently over their grievances. Sometimes you can avail escapism through 50 Shades of Grey or the internet. Shopping feels great for the minute, but you eventually have to pay your card back. Or you can get into throw yourself into diligence, where you are going every minute of the day with no time for yourself. Our society says that a husband can get lost in his work but a mother has to assume daily responsibility for the kids, whether married or divorced.
Did you know that many times your husband is afraid to trust you? It’s true! When you try to do anything positive for your practice (seminars, coaching, patient education materials for your office), your husband gives you ‘that look’. After all, he will remind you of your student loans, credit card loans, start up loans, mortgage, etc. We have so many sister DC’s in our program who used to buy into these beliefs, before they knew other choices existed. The old belief of the man takes care of the finances (I’ll have to ask my spouse…sound familiar?) is replaced by the female DC out earning her husband by multiples easily. Many females who find themselves reduced to maternity leave, hobby, part-time practices are not of their choosing. They didn’t realize that choices existed. Not only are they not of their choosing, they are usually both unrewarding and unfulfilling. Bitterness grows inside until you stop practicing altogether, or you endure your silent suffering saying that Chiropractic let you down.
Wake yourself up from this nightmare! There are solutions for every problem. Growth is a natural function of having the courage of getting help. Don’t ask for permission. Take the action step to achieve the practice you always wanted.
