TNR Happenings December 28, 2020
Kenny Smoker says thank you
We don’t do what we do for the applause or the accolades of others. That being said, it’s a yearly highlight to receive a note of thanks from Kenny Smoker. His observation of our group working through issues is a lesson for each of us. Each and every member helped in so many ways. Some helped by directly raising gifts and funds. One spouse sent an email to me complaining about how the fundraising has become an obsession with their spouse! Others helped by purchasing tickets to TNR training events, Head-to-Heads, etc. As it has been since the day Love Has No Color was founded, a portion of all we do at TNR goes toward Love Has No Color. Also, the planning for Boot Camp and Christmas on the Reservation is a year-round gig. I am so proud of all of you.
Profiles in Courage
This is a brand new feature that I hope you all will love. It’s the story behind the story of members of TNR. Past and present, we are all connected by our courage and our aversion to it. Reading these stories will rekindle your appreciation for how far you have traveled. Sometimes in TNR, we take our growth for granted and forget how hard we fought and continue to fight. The profiles show how the members made their own hero’s journey. Hearing someone else’s story will jingle your spider web and activate the memory of your story. You will find yourself or someone you know in each of these short stories. Nobody said it was going to be easy. The resistance comes from inside people as well as strangers.
Is this your story?
“I want to thank you for helping me find the courage to stop being a CA and a wanna be DC and live my dream. My husband was furious with me when I started coaching for putting my dream ahead of the kids and him. He called me selfish. You showed me I’m not selfish and that I’m a great role model for my daughter and son. Being an unhappy mother is not something I wish to pass on to my kids. It’s no coincidence that my anxiety, insomnia, psoriasis, and migraines have all cleared up as I am now living my dream. I have more excitement than I did on the first day of Chiropractic College. Thank you for getting my life back!”
This was a female Chiropractor who had all the tools of greatness but was chained to the expectations of society. The demands of society took precedence over her own dreams. She is not alone. This greatness has a tendency to go underground, remain dormant, and with time, evaporate. She is a mother and wife. Her dream of having a successful Chiropractic office and helping people was put on the back burner, even though it was there before her marriage and children.
She lied to herself and said she would get back to being a real Chiropractor when the kids grew up.
Instead of being a Chiropractor, she was relegated to being an administrator. She also did some vacation coverage and maternity coverage for area Chiropractors. Her husband had no idea how important it was for her to help people with Chiropractic. He thought of Chiropractic as just another job: an occupation or way to make a meager (his words) income to supplement the family income.
How many times do we put other things before our dreams? Sometimes we become involved in little things that don’t matter and use up all of our spirits. We all have a story to tell. It’s what’s underneath the life that you are living presently. Of note, her husband thought she was perfectly content and happy despite obvious signs to the contrary.
Upon meeting me for the first time at her Head-to-Head (a full day on one-on-one training where we get to know each other and I get to hear your story), she said, “I felt compelled to tell you my story and how I wanted to be living my dream, despite the feeling that I was in too deep and there was no way out without turning my back on my family and marriage.”
She opened her own practice and each month she has been steadily increasing the patient visits and income and reaching the goals that she has set. Her husband has begun to view her dream and her new practice differently, too.
It’s easy to do what’s expected of you and to put other things first. It takes thermal levels of courage to live your dreams and your life on your terms. If more people followed their dreams and didn’t succumb to the demands of society, the world would be a much better place.
Practice tip of the week
Let the nibblers go. You know the ones: the tire kickers, the Groupon holders, and the dabblers of society.
You can’t satisfy the expectations of people who are way out of your Sweet Spot. They don’t see the value in what you do or the commitment it will take. They don’t have an appreciation for people helping them in general. Let them go. Stop adjusting on the first visit with exceptions duly noted. Stop being guided in your recommendations by their porous insurance coverage.
When my mentor demanded I stop lowering myself to helping people who wanted to sabotage my office, I thought he was being excessively harsh or cruel. He wasn’t. I argued that everyone deserves Chiropractic care. He agreed but said, just not at my office. It’s exhausting answering rhetorical questions and substituting your commitment for theirs. The entitlement factor (special privileges) really begins to wear on you. Remember the nudge in Chiropractic College that used to ask all of those nonsensical questions? Yeah, that one. It’s almost like they are addicted to creating resistance in other’s lives while serving their own needs and giving nothing back. There is no room for people like this in your office. Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries.
From the Mind of Miyagi
We tend to search for greatness in others rather than to develop it in ourselves. Isn’t developing greatness in ourselves what TNR is all about? Many originally think it’s all about new patients and money. Greatness is in all of us, but like a precious metal, the impure ore has to be burned or acid-washed away. Ever wonder what all this celebrity worship thing is all about? It’s so easy to see greatness in a celebrity, performer, sports star, etc. By recognizing it in others, it takes the heat off of you to develop this gift within yourself. By observing it in others, all the work, guidance, and development of this gift are done for you and you can worship it from afar without doing any of the work.
We have spoken at length about how the appearance (celebrity) and essence (who they really are) of people are at odds with their personas. If you got to know most stars you would realize they are completely self-absorbed in self-importance and what people think of them. Really getting to know them will prove to be a disappointment or a letdown. Their minds are congested with their social media followers, how to make money from their celebrity status even at the cost of one’s dignity, and how not to say or act outside of their scripted reality.
Sometimes we forget just how special the gift that we deliver on a daily basis is. Our social conditioning and past history look past our gifts because they are considered inconsequential and quaint by societal standards. We still gaze from afar. We can’t help it, even though we have more ability and greatness than most other genres in the world. If most Chiropractors were brutally honest with themselves, they would admit that they would trade positions with even a B list celebrity. They would give so much up and receive so very little in return. It’s simply exhausting being someone or something other than who you truly are.
Here’s the practical: You’ve got a 12-year-old kid with severe anxiety. She self-mutilates and has no confidence. She has ended up in a hospital and is heavily medicated. In walks a star who says a few lines from a movie, takes a selfie for social media publicity purposes, and leaves. Cheer up kid, be like me they say. They aren’t doctors. The point here is: that you can help that kid but society would laugh if you spoke your truth. The star has to cling to the appearance of helping or entertaining.
There is something magical that happens when you actually touch a practice member, form a sacred relationship, and give your word that you will give your best effort. When you help this inner greatness emerge with your patients, they get to enjoy this gift for their entire lives. Talk about the gift that keeps on giving!
DCME confidential
Question 1: Why does it seem so many difficult case patients resist help?
Answer: There are so many reasons, but an overall theme is they think they are in too deep and there is no way out. (see Profiles in Courage) In their minds they have conjured up a strategy of enduring the suffering instead of doing something about it. You represent choice (the feminine archetype) in all circumstances and you will stand by them as they make the choice for a higher quality of life.
Question 2: Why don’t all people ask for help?
Answer: It is easier to stay stuck. It takes no courage to be oppressed, bullied, taken advantage of, etc. They close their eyes, sleepwalk their life away, deny it’s happening, and claim they are a victim.
